Often times, we are faced with emotions that are deceived with smiling faces, or a smiling face that suddenly breaks into a long, unsettling stare onto a wall, on the floor, or through a window.
Then, a long sigh. Frustration? We can never be too sure.
In a cafe around the corner this morning, a man and a boy walked in at about 10am. They both ordered drinks, and did not talk much. They just shared the table, but looked sideways out the window. One could feel that there was something wrong. An observant person would be able to instantly guess that something was not right, but only someone who has been through an ordeal would be able to perfectly guess what was going on. One can only hope that it was not a tragedy that they shared at that moment. It was too quiet for a morning in a cafe, just a couple of days before Christmas.
Hence, I sometimes avoid people. I do not want to see such emotions. I also avoid the sadness, because I can barely handle my own. When someone is in pain, I am compelled to do something about it. That's a terrible weakness.
On the way home tonight, I came across a street lamp with a bulb that needs changing. At first, there was that utter silence of the cold winter night. The street light started to flicker, and the bulb began humming a little, signaling its need to be replaced. It stayed on and flickered again, then snow fell.
I stood under the flickering street lamp for awhile and saw glimpses of reality on the few times the light actually worked. I looked down at the pavement and saw shadows of everything around me where the light shone.
I have envisioned many ways to write the first entry to this blog, but only in this perfect moment when that light shone, that it gave me a perspective I wish to see, even beyond my comprehension.
Well, one does not really need to understand things well enough to talk about it. Sometimes, one just needs to write what one is willing to understand.
Thus, this.
For what its worth, the video below was the song playing this morning: Band Aid's "Do They Know its Christmas?" back in 1984. God Jul och Gott Nytt År!
