2012
It's almost the third day of the New Year, 2012 and I still seem pretty speechless about things. Like other people who are active with social networks, and someone who actually created a blog: I feel that I should be saying something worth any reader's time. Should I even attempt to do so?
Maybe. Maybe not. I got my mind concentrated on coming home to Manila to really care about resolutions and saying something really nice. However, I did attempt to make a comment on spreading peace this year. World Peace. The stereotypical answer of any beauty pageant candidate, if asked what she wishes for.
Somewhere in my heart, I do wish the same.
Then again, I am not a beauty pageant candidate.
A new year to me is like midlife-crisis on an annual basis. The questions come to me before the clocks hit twelve:
- Have I achieved what I wanted to become?
- Did my decisions put me in a better place than the year before?
- Do I remain to be apathetic as a means of coping with certain sadness?
- What have I done that really mattered?
- Do I feel fulfilled?
And after going through all these questions, I usually end up with this line: Oh crap. I am getting closer to my silver years.
No, nothing superficial really comes to my mind. Just an annual reminder how close I will get to my senior citizen years, because I'm pretty sure another 25 years would feel like a snap of the fingers again.
I guess by now, even you are sure to know the answer to the question I also ask myself, "Has my pessimism ceased to exist?"
On Coming Home
There is a certain uneasiness I can compare a new year to: going back to see your family and friends after a long time of staying abroad.
Of course I love my new life, no doubt about that. I also love my family, my friends, and my hometown. I always thought that being homesick was something only weak people are not able to handle, but even the strongest of all has a weakness.
Is it worth the pain of leaving everything you have ever come to know to have a life filled with love and affection? Of course! Who would want to refuse oneself a life with so much cheesiness you can actually make food out of it? Okay, that part was gross.
But how can one continue to live? My parents are old enough to be my grandparents, and I feel blessed for them to have survived that long. We will all soon be living in different continents, my siblings included. How can I be fully comfortable knowing that? We were raised to take care of our elders, and this is a part of who I am. Can I feel fulfilled knowing that this part of me is not being acted out properly?
So many questions. Even more questions now that a new year has begun. Hopefully, I get to answer all of them even before this month ends.
Yeah.
Alright.
Audio of Choice for this entry: Chris Daughtry's Home
